TheStorkFork

The Inevitable "Mom" Crisis

From Brooklyn NYC

I'm here. The apex of my life. Incredible husband - healthy, beautiful son - exciting career, lovable dog, phenomenal apartment - I have it ALL!! So why, how is it possible, that I don't feel fulfilled? Enter 'the Mom crisis'.

Welcome to my brain: "I want something, but I don't know what I it is" "I love my family, but I just want to be alone" "I appreciate my work, but I can't stand my job" "I just don't want to be a mom today". The scariest part? This is all completely normal. Okay, if not normal, at least common.

The struggle is these thoughts weave in a fair dose of guilt and anxiety. Honestly, my life is incredible and I know this. I feel guilty and ashamed for my moments of doubt and self-indulgence. But should I? Aren't I allowed to 'mourn' the loss of who I was just as much as I relish in who I've become? Becoming a parent hasn't been an evolution for me; it's been more of a line in the sand of pre- and post-baby.

I've heard parents say "i can't even remember my life before I had children." Hmm...I don't fall into that category - I remember ... and it was GREAT! Of course, I couldn't imagine life without my child, but these two cliche statements hold completely different meanings.

After taking a poll of several girlfriends (over cocktails, of course), I've found a few gem-phrases which are windows into the mom's soul:

"Every other mom seems so pulled together, and I'm just winging it"

"I thought being a wife and mom would make me complete"

"I feel so inexperienced and far too young" (says the mid-30's mom)

"I thought I'd be better at all this"

To be clear, this has nothing to do with the child, or you loving him/her any less than you should. It has to do with us moms being able to recognize our old-selves in this new role and life. And then, hopefully, liking who you find.  

My salvation came from making time for myself, and lots of it; the same way you make time for your partner and your family. Don't feel guilty, don't rush it and don't make it about anyone else but you. If a little bit of guilt trickles in, remind yourself that this IS for your family (a sane Mom makes a happy mom!). A little bit of absence truly makes the heart (and mind) grow fonder. And regardless, you'll soon get to return home, grab your little one and snuggle - you'll have your world right back in your arms.

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